


Their Side Of The Door

by ComeChaos



Series: The Maker Makes No Mistakes [3]
Category: The Hobbit (2012), The Hobbit (Jackson Movies), The Hobbit - All Media Types
Genre: Angst, Dwarf Culture, Dwarven Politics, Dís POV, Fíli POV, Fíli as King, Gen, Homophobia, Internalized Homophobia, Kili pov, Love, M/M, Omake, Original Character(s), Sad, Trust Issues
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-06-23
Updated: 2013-07-03
Packaged: 2017-12-15 21:24:14
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,804
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/854207
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ComeChaos/pseuds/ComeChaos
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>TheQueen gave me some great ideas for an omake for 'The Maker Makes No Mistakes'.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Dis

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This chapter adds some bits and pieces from Dis's point of view.  
> It can be read either before or after 'The Hero Of The Westfold'.

I could have prevented it.

Dis finished tucking the tails of her eldest son's braids into the exquisite silver beads, checking one last time that they were all even. Then she sighed quietly and pursed her lips, because of course she could not have prevented it.  
”You're very quiet, mother,” Kili mumbled matter-of-factly.  
He sat on the opposite bed, facing Dis and Fili. The room was large and had plenty of furniture, but the beds were comfortable. Sitting on the beds made Dis feel that they still, above all else, were a family. A mother and her sons, who just happened, by chance, to be the last remaining heirs of Thror. Fili would be moving out of the room to the King's quarters tomorrow, leaving Kili behind, because all brothers grow up and part, and the beads in Fili's hair just happened, by chance, to be adorned with the emblems of a king-to-be. Dis smiled faintly.  
”It's hard for every mother to watch her children leave their youth,” she said.  
Fili's hand came up over his shoulder to take hers. She grasped it, brushing her thumb gently over his knuckles.

No, she thought. Doing anything differently would only have attracted more attention and put Thorin at even greater risk. I did what I could. I have to stop thinking about it.

* * *

When Dis was young, she had experienced a brief infatuation with the tall, tattooed, mohawk-haired dwarf that seemed to follow Thorin around wherever he went. Later, she had often wondered if her interest in Dwalin simply originated from her adoration of her eldest brother. If he liked something, she usually ended up liking it to – or at least trying her best to do so. Either way, she believed that it was her unusual perceptiveness toward both Thorin and Dwalin at that time that had made her notice the changes that no one else seemed to observe or draw the relevant conclusions from. 

It seemed to happen over a single winter – the one when Thorin and Dwalin had been away on one of their longer training camps. Frerin had been a year too young to be allowed to go with them. When they came back, Thorin was calmer in Dwalin's company than before and somehow more tense in everyone else's. Dis perceived the change with confused frustration and instinctively tried her best to win her brother back again, which for a long time only made him more distant and short of temper. 

Eventually, there came a day when Dis was in a mood so horrible that she decided to sit outside the door to Thorin's room and sulk until he and Dwalin would come out again. She had almost fallen asleep with her back against the cool wall when the sound of footsteps broke through to her clouded mind. Her head jerked up, and she found herself looking at Frerin.  
”Aren't they letting you in?” her youngest brother asked, his voice filled with surprise and annoyance.  
”Um. No, they –”  
She yawned.  
”– I haven't tried.”  
”Why not?”  
Frerin's voice became loud enough to echo sharply against the walls. He took a step toward the door and reached out for the great knocker. 

Dis felt a shiver run through her body that turned her cold in an instant. Something was wrong. Frerin must not knock. He must not.  
”No! They –”  
She faltered, thinking desperately while feigning another yawn to buy herself time.  
”Um, don't disturb them, alright? I talked to Thorin earlier. They had some things to do. I just decided to wait here.”  
Frerin looked at her and shrugged.  
”Alright,” he said slowly, raising his eyebrows at her. ”Have fun waiting then.”  
He threw her an amused smile and was off again.

Dis sank back against the wall, feeling confused and light-headed. The next moment, she frowned and jumped to her feet, walking quickly over to the other end of the corridor. She arranged her skirts and sat down again in her new spot. From here she could see everything, but would be able to escape without being noticed as soon as the bolts and locks of Thorin's door would begin to scrape and click. Please, come out soon, she thought, as her heart hammered in her chest. I don't want to be part of this.

* * *

Men and their fears. Deep down, they were all afraid that it would happen to them: losing sanity, being swept up, succumbing to acts unthinkable. She had never had to fear that, and fear is what breeds hatred in the first place. She knew that she could afford greater indifference than both her father, her brothers, and her sons. She never helped Thorin to break the law, and she never let him know that she knew. He made his own choices, but she protected him. She protected him, because she did not fear his crime but the discovery of it that would inevitably cost her a brother.

Then, for a few confused moments, Thorin's secret being discovered was the best thing that had ever happened to her. When the first scouts came running back into the mountain, bringing word of the return of Thorin's company, Dis came out of the mountain herself – dragging her long skirts in the muddy grass in the company of six anxious and fully armoured guards. From the height of the plateau at the front gates, she was able to see the company herself long before they began to climb the last slope. She spotted her sons in the front instantly, and her heart took a leap of joy. A moment later, she realised that her sons riding alone in the front meant that … She called out for her guards and began to stumble down the descent.

Fili and Kili got off their horses and scooped her up in their familiar embraces, almost knocking the air out of her lungs. The ground swayed under her.  
”How did he die?” she asked immediately – her voice no more than a whisper.  
Fili cleared his throat harshly and threw a glance at the guards.  
”He hasn't,” he answered quietly.  
Kili hugged her closer, and she patted his back absently. Not dead? What then? Maimed, lost, taken captive?  
”But where is he?” she wondered desperately.  
Her sons exchanged glances over her head. She felt herself tremble between them.  
”In exile,” Fili whispered at last.  
Her eyes widened, and, for a few moments, she felt nothing but an immense relief coming over her in a single, great wave. Her brother alive, free, possibly unharmed. Then she turned and saw Kili's face, and reality hit her, and everything turned utterly dark again.

She had learnt the rest of the truth later. She had never blamed Kili for giving it away. If anything, she had blamed herself. Could she have raised her sons differently? Could she have done anything against an entire people with a history, a culture, and a law that went thousands of years back?

* * *

Dis gathered her skirts and began to climb the stairs that ran along one side of the throne room. She was done inspecting the preparations from the ground and had decided to have a look from the balconies where most of the people would gather to watch the coronation. Arriving at the first landing, she threw a glance upward and noticed suddenly that she was not alone. On the second landing, clad in the ceremonial attire of the Royal Guard, stood Dwalin. Dis hesitated, and she realised that she had not spoken to him since the day when the company returned to the Blue Mountains. Then Dwalin turned his head and acknowledged her, and she took a deep breath and gathered her skirts again.

He kept looking out over the room until she reached the landing and halted beside him. The clothes and armour were beautiful, but his face looked as worn and tired as the day he had come back with her sons. He turned and greeted her politely, and she responded and turned back to the room, looking up at him from the corner of her eye. The years and the wars have not been kind to you, she thought, becoming aware of the struggle between compassion and contempt within her. Dwalin cleared his throat.  
”He's not dead.”  
His whispering voice was hoarse but gentle – a broken attempt to comfort her, or a poorly disguised effort to assure himself of the truth of his statement? Dis straightened and took a slow and careful breath to keep the hurt and scorn out of her voice when she answered.  
”How do you know?”  
A long silence followed, growing between them like thorns. No, she thought darkly. No, you don't.

”You didn't renounce his name,” Dwalin mumbled suddenly.  
Dis turned away a little more.  
”Neither did you,” she said, still trying to keep her voice neutral, unthreatening.  
It came out wary, though, and the words sounded like threats in themselves. Cloth and metal rustled and clinked beside her, and Dwalin's heavy footsteps retreated rapidly up the next flight of stairs. She held her breath for a moment. You're right in one thing, she thought. I may have protected my brother, but I'm not your ally. You were supposed to take care of Thorin. You were the one who could have prevented this. For Durin's sake, Dwalin, you were supposed to take care of him!


	2. Fili and Kili

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This chapter features something of Fili's and Kili's stories after the events of 'The Maker Makes No Mistakes'.  
> It contains spoilers for 'The Hero Of The Westfold', so you might want to read that one first.

Kili would forever remember the moment that shattered his life, though most that happened afterward was lost in a blur of internal chaos. He recalled the waiting in Beorn's garden with nothing but his own broken thoughts as company, then the ride westward before leaving the ponies to undertake the perilous second crossing of the Misty Mountains – Gandalf taking the lead as everyone followed closely and silently – but, for all he knew, he could have made those memories up afterward out of the knowledge that certain events must have happened in one way or the other.

Kili's first clear memory, after the moment that shattered his life, was of talking to Fili one of their first nights in the mountains. He had barely spoken to anyone for several days and was not surprised when his brother sat down beside him and wrapped his arm around his hunched shoulders.  
”Hey, Kili.”  
Kili stayed silent and still, and Fili hugged him a little awkwardly.  
”Will you tell me what's wrong?” Fili asked gently.  
Kili snorted.  
”You mean besides the obvious,” he said venomously.  
Fili shifted beside him and lowered his voice.  
”Um, yeah.”

Kili kept his face forward, looking from under his brows at the endless grey rocks surrounding them.  
”Why is everyone so angry with me?”  
He felt Fili's arms around him stiffen.  
”Are – Who's angry with you?”  
Kili let out a frustrated sigh and wriggled himself free from the embrace.  
”You!” he said. ”You've been angry with me ever since –”  
He gestured sluggishly with his hands and frowned as he let them fall back into his lap with a soft thud. Throwing a glance at Fili, he caught a glimpse of surprise and concern.

”Kili,” Fili began. ”I'm not angry. I'm just sad, and – scared, I suppose. And well, I was angry at first, but –”  
”No, that's just it!” Kili exclaimed. ”You nearly turned on me! What should I have done? I don't understand.”  
Fili made an attempt at putting his arms back around him, but when Kili instantly tensed up, he seemed to think better of it.  
”It wasn't your fault,” he said instead. ”And I'd never turn on you, Kili. Never. I was just angry that everything had to be this way. That we had to lose Thorin. Do you understand?”  
Kili leaned forward, crossing his arms over his knees. He did understand, but understanding did not make the world less unfair. He swallowed and squared his jaw, feeling the lump in his throat grow.  
”I hate him.”  
Fili sighed.

* * *

Fili would never forget the moment when Kili burst in and changed his life forever. 

Later, he would silently be grateful that he had not been wholly unprepared. Two days before, he had faced the possibility of Thorin being slain, and the moments that had passed while he was convinced that the worst of all possibilities had come true had stretched on forever into the longest of his life. The fact of what Thorin's mortality meant had never truly felt like a reality to him before, but when he suddenly realised how little that stood between him and the title he had hoped never to bear, a hopelessness filled him that frightened him more than any enemy of flesh and blood. The feeling lingered behind his smile at seeing Thorin alive, and he did not sleep as well as the others in the great hall of Beorn's house. Still, he reminded himself, in the end, it had been no more than a close call. They had made it through. For now, they were safe, and Thorin was still King Under the Mountain.

Then Kili had burst in and crushed all his hopes and his stupid illusions of safety. Fili had screamed at him, asking him if he was insane, asking him why he was lying. They had made it through. It was not supposed to go like this. But even then, he knew that he would never forget the look on Kili's face that told him everything he needed to know.

The day before, he and Kili had spoken to Thorin for comfort and advice.  
”Everyone in this company cares for themselves and for each other, Fili. You never stand alone, remember that.”  
Fili was about to nod in response when he was punched in the side by Kili, who squinted at him with a satisfied smile on his face. A surge of warmth rushed through Fili's stomach at the affectionate display. He looked back at Thorin and saw that he was smiling too.  
”Not just Kili,” their uncle said softly. ”All these dwarves are loyal and honourable. If the worst should come to pass, you can trust them. They've yet to fail me, and I've known some of them for very long indeed.”

True to his word, Thorin had left him Dwalin. The thought made Fili want to laugh in agony. He was not sure if it made it better or worse that Dwalin had instantly adapted to their new relation to each other by keeping himself impossibly correct and polite. Fili just hoped that he one day would stop feeling nauseated in the tall warrior's presence.

* * * 

Though Thorin's reign had passed over to Fili at the House of Beorn east of the Misty Mountains, it was collectively decided that a proper coronation was to be held back in the Blue Mountains. After the distastrous quest for Erebor, it seemed crucial to do everything that could help to increase Fili's popularity. It chanced that it was on his coronation day, at the great banquet, that Fili first met Frid.

Fili had always imagined that Kili would be the one of them who would fall in love and marry. Perhaps that had been a true assumption once, but the Banishment of Thorin changed the youngest heir of Durin. At first, Fili refused to admit it, hoping desperately that everything would eventually turn back to normal if he just gave Kili time. He understood Kili's initial feelings of shock and despair, because they had all shared them, but there was something else as well, something that had cut deep into his little brother, and it haunted Fili that he could not grasp it.

He had Kili summoned to his private chambers rather than asking him personally. They sat down and had a long and fairly casual talk over a shared platter of food and a smoke, before Fili had the heart to breach the subject.  
”No, honestly, Kili. When you came here, I asked how you felt, and you said fine. That's what you always say. You're not being fair to me, brother.”  
Kili frowned and put away his pipe.  
”What do you mean?”  
”I mean,” Fili said, ”that you're everything to me, and I'd never manage without you. But you've changed. You don't talk to me anymore, and I want to understand. I want to help you.”  
”Well, you've changed too,” Kili protested. ”Just look at you. And why shouldn't I be different? I'm older.”  
”Six years older. There's something more. Don't hide it from me, you never did.”

They looked at each other in silence for a while, before Kili hesitantly opened his mouth.  
”I don't feel safe anymore,” he whispered brokenly. ”I mean, how can I feel safe, when the danger comes not from outside, but from those I'm supposed to trust?”  
Fili licked his lips. His brother looked so painfully small and vulnerable in the chair next to him. The words and the tone in which they were spoken made his thoughts spin, and he was not at all sure what to answer.  
”Kili”, he said carefully at last, ”you can always trust us. No one's ever tried to hurt you. Not now, not six years ago. I trusted Dwalin then, as I do now, and … if Thorin had been here, right now, I would've trusted him too.”

Kili's body went rigid. His brown eyes turned black, nailing Fili to the back of his chair, and he answered slowly in a low, menacing voice, every syllable cutting through the air like a knife.  
”You – did not – see them.”  
He clenched his teeth together and rose, never abandoning eye contact. Fili stared back at him, frozen, barely daring to breathe. Kili turned around and walked swiftly out of the room, his heavy coat flapping about him like a pair of dark wings. The sound of his boots echoed sharply against the ceiling and through the hallway outside as he left. Fili stayed in his spot, listening broken-heartedly and looking at the door that slowly closed itself.

* * *

Fili ruled his kingdom with increasing skill of judgement and began to court the bold and bright-eyed Frid, but many years passed before Fili ceased to fear that everyone he spoke to would see right through him – see his fear and inadequacy and deem him a fraud, unworthy of his crown.  
”Have you begun to believe in yourself yet?” Dis used to ask him, her voice gentle and reassuring.  
”How could I?” he used to answer her, adding a weak laugh to the sentence in a vain attempt to take away the edge from it.  
”Do you know who you remind me of?” Dis replied once.

They were sitting by the great fire in the King's quarters. Fili sighed as his mother smiled faintly at him.  
”Thorin was much like you when he became king. Always burdened by his own doubt in himself.”  
”I don't know if that should comfort or alarm me,” Fili confessed.  
Dis's smile faded as she reached out to put her hand over his.  
”Has your brother's contempt got to you, then?”  
Her voice was dark. Fili shook his head, but not in answer to the question.  
”Kili should never have come,” he said sternly.  
Dis leaned closer, looking at him in disbelief.  
”And what would you have done without him, mm? Not to mention you would've had to lock him up in the dungeons to keep him from following you.”  
”He wasn't ready.”  
”Done is done, Fili. There are many things we regret. You must try to look forward – because that's where you're heading anyway.”  
Fili met her eyes.  
”When did you become the King's counsellor?” he asked affectionately.  
Dis patted his hand.  
”Long before you were born.”

Fili wed Frid on a Durin's Day – he dressed in gold and she in silver with a mithril circlet in her raven-black hair.  
”Do you believe in yourself now?” Dis asked him pointedly when the first day of feasting was ending.  
”I think so,” he answered her, his eyes clear despite the emptied cup in his hand. ”I am Fili, and Fili is King of Durin's Folk.”  
”But not …?” Dis murmured and Fili is with a sad smile and a tilt of her head.  
”No,” Fili said. ”The line of the Kings of Erebor died with Thorin. The world is changed, and there's now only darkness to be found in the East.”  
Then Dis said nothing more, and from then on they spoke mostly of lighter matters or of the smaller details of mundane politics, until Fili's firstborn was a year and a month, and Dis one day mentioned Dwalin.

* * *

There was a knock on the door, and Fili shoved the scroll he was reading aside mid-sentence.  
”Open,” he mouthed to the dwarves at the far end of the room, who elegantly abandoned their places to obey his command. Fili stood and walked around his great desk as the door swung open.  
”Master Dwalin.”  
”M'lord.”  
”Everything in order?”  
”Aye.”  
”Good, good.”

Fili crossed his arms over his chest and cleared his throat loudly, feeling the mask of authority slip over his face. Strange – authority was usually among his natural expressions these days. He made his voice low and soft when he spoke.  
”Dwalin. You know I don't really need you anymore.”  
The old warrior huffed quietly.  
”You've served me more than well,” Fili continued, raising his voice. ”You've helped me more than I could possibly hope to explain. My witnesses in this room may confirm to anyone who asks that you are hereby relieved of your duties.”  
Dwalin kept still for a moment.  
”Was that all?” he asked carefully.  
Fili studied his face – carved in stone, unreadable.  
”Aye.”  
Dwalin bowed.  
”Thank you.”

Two days later, Dwalin was gone. Fili shook his head in disbelief when Dis asked him about it.  
”Apparently he left without even telling Balin,” he said. ”He might just be out hunting.”  
Suddenly, he noticed the strange glint in his mother's old eyes.  
”No,” he said slowly, frowning to himself. ”No, that's not it … He's not coming back, is he?”  
He looked up at Dis again, eyes wide.  
”You knew this.”  
Dis's mildly curious expression briefly changed into a smile, before she became serious again.  
”Guessed, not knew,” she said softly. ”He needed some peace, forgiveness perhaps. Rest for his heart.”  
Fili kept looking at her for a long moment, searching his mind for something he ought to understand, something … Dis patted his shoulder and turned toward the door, leaving him to his thoughts.

* * * 

Frid had a sister, Blid, who was as stubborn and patient as she was loyal and brave. She wed late, for she married Kili, brother to the King, in the same year as the King's son came of age. The wind blew cold from the east, but songs of their love were heard everywhere in the Blue Mountains for years to come.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I had expected to get this out much sooner, but life came in between. Also, there were so many things that I wanted to squeeze in. I hope that I made good choices and that it didn't become too messy to read.
> 
> With that, I think that we leave this storyline behind (though there will be a stand-alone prequel eventually, as I can't resist writing Thorin as a princeling and Dwalin with a mohawk). This has been such a pleasure!


End file.
